In Defense of Millennials

millennials

Way back in May of 2012, I ventured into the then budding self-publishing arena with The Hereafter Handbook.

To say the book was a huge success would be an incredible overstatement. (OK, it would be an outright lie.) In fact, if Amazon maintained a Worst Seller List, I am reasonably confident that my book would have consistently held a place of dishonor.

I haven’t been too discouraged by this. I wrote the book more to organize my own thoughts and beliefs than to become an internationally renowned author. I did attempt to lighten the subject matter by injecting a bit of dry humor, which I thought might broaden its appeal.

The premise of The Hereafter Handbook is that our starting positions in the Afterlife are largely determined by our behavior on this life. In pursuit of that concept, I included admittedly frivolous chapters on Hereafter Workplace Conditions, Communications and Limitations, as well as a short quiz to evaluate reader understanding of the material presented.

After all, it is a handbook, authorized by The Universe, Itself – your future employer.

More than seven years down the road, I find myself having what might be described as an out-of-generation experience. Although I am very much a Baby Boomer, it seems that my thoughts about life in this world and the next bear a strange resemblance to those being assigned to a generation I had never heard of at the time I wrote the book – the Millennials.

In The Hereafter Handbook, I stated my belief that “God” is just another name for “The Universe.” Lately, I have noticed television program dialog increasingly using “Universe” in places where one might normally expect to hear “God.” Was I ahead of my time?

I also believe that people can be spiritual without being religious. Now, I’ve read that Millennials tend to reject traditional churches yet see themselves as spiritual. That makes perfect sense to me.

Modern day religions have a relatively basic arrangement. True believers enjoy a social support structure of like-minded individuals and are promised eternal life, somewhat assuaging their fear of death. In exchange, religious organizations receive donations of time and money (mostly money) to maintain their infrastructures and to expand their market shares.

I also took issue with conservative ideologies, which ironically do nothing to conserve our planet but do everything to conserve personal wealth.

They have a fervent, inexplicable desire to return to rigid, traditional values which have little or no relevance to the current world. They prefer to create jobs overseas and bank their cash in foreign countries, deplete the planet of all natural resources, and push their practices on others at every conceivable opportunity. Saving the planet is not on the conservative agenda, unless that should somehow become more profitable than destroying it.

Maybe I’m just prejudiced by my mindset, but I’m extremely tired of hearing people of my generation characterizing Millennials with words like “lazy” and “entitled.” We should be using words like “concerned” and “engaged.”

The denial practiced by previous generations is a luxury for which time has run out. Millennials are possibly the most motivated generation in human history because no stakes are higher than survival for themselves and their children.

Millennials have become the last hope for our destructive species. Treat them with the respect they are due.

Time for Hearing Hell to Halt

muellerhearings

Watching the House hearings July 24, I felt a combination of admiration and pity for poor Robert Mueller.

Donald has taken a heavy toll on this devoted public servant. It’s time for us to stop pinning our hopes for ridding ourselves of Donald on Mueller, and let this exhausted war hero off the hook.

If a tedious day of testimony can only bring a handful of House Democrats into the pro-impeachment faction, initiating impeachment proceedings would be a waste of time and resources. Another endless series of hearings, horror of horrors, might even help Donald secure a second term.

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, once again, stands as the tried-and-true political compass by which all Democratic representatives should have the good sense to be guided.

The hearings successfully presented the core of Mueller’s findings to voters who have not read the 448-page report. Even those who have been ignoring politics for the last 3 years now have extensive documentation that Donald is a chronic liar.

American voters now know that the Russians were at least partially responsible for putting Donald in office. They know that Donald has committed crimes for which he would be charged if he were not put above the law by an insane policy put in place during the Nixon investigation.

Democratic presidential candidates have been given plenty of verified political ammunition to fire at Donald throughout the 2020 campaign. With a big, fat target like that, they don’t need to waste any of it by shooting at each other.

President Spanky

D.C. rumors:

As Secretary of State, Rex Tillerson once called Donald Trump a “F**king Moron”. Following a 60 Minutes interview with porn star Stormy Daniels on March 25, Trump is being called (behind his back and affectionately, I assume) “Spanky”.

Putting these two nicknames together, I felt a holiday song parody was in order.

Hence …

Spanky, the Moron
Was a nasty, dumbass soul
With a hollow head
And a face to dread and
A heart made out of coal

Spanky, the Moron
Is a horror tale they say
He was made of dough
But right-wingers know
How he came to life one day

There must have been dark magic
In his presidential run
For when they tallied up the votes
It appeared that he had won

Spanky, the Moron
Was as dirty as could be
Piling lie on lie
Such a crooked guy
He’s bad news for you and me

Spanky, the Moron
Knew the probe was closing fast
So he pointed here
And he pointed there
The distractions couldn’t last

Down to the Congress
Seeking funding for his wall
But they told him “no”
Just like Mexico
There was no end to his gall

They chased him down the streets of town
His leadership a flop
And he always claimed a witch hunt ‘til
Bob Mueller hollered “Stop!”

Spanky, the Moron
Was about to go way
As he waved goodbye he said,
“Don’t you cry.”
I will file for a stay

Trumpity, Trump, Trump
Trumpity, Trump, Trump
Look at Spanky go

Trumpity, Trump, Trump
Trumpity, Trump, Trump
Looking for his next show

Society Adds New Meaning to ‘Trump’

It’s official. The National Synonym Society today approved “trump” as a new word for “dumb.”

“This is a well-earned honor,” said Sebastian T. Wordsworth, NSS president. “Never in the long history of the NSS has an alternate meaning for an existing word been so well documented by multiple media.”

Wordsworth added that the new meaning is, also for the first time, attributable to the acts of a single individual.

“That individual, is of course, Donald J. Trump, whose elevation to President of the United States of America and whose unfiltered access to Twitter have showcased his trumpness to the world daily,” Wordsworth elaborated.

dumbtrump

Trump had a long, honorable, pre-Donald J. history. As a noun, it traces its origins back to games in which certain playing cards were designated as trump and ranked above other cards in the deck.

Mutating into a verb, trump became the act of beating cards of other suits. This was eventually more broadly defined as making a winning move in a competitive situation.

Trump’s positive past, however, has come to screeching halt with its coronation as an adjective.

“It is now perfectly acceptable to substitute trump for dumb in any sentence not referring to speechlessness,” Wordsworth said. “By extension, trump may also now replace any previously existing synonym for dumb — including but not limited to, stupid, dense, brainless, slow, empty-headed, vacuous, moronic and half-baked.”

Wordsworth also noted that trump has earned the right to replace close relatives of dumb, such as ignorant, illiterate and bonkers.

Wordsworth provided sample sentences incorporating the new meaning of trump.

“Do you work at being trump, or were you born that way?”

How can anyone in their right mind, be that trump?”

“Well, that was a trump move.”

“That has got to be the trumpest damn thing I have ever heard anyone say.”

 “Way to go, trump-ass!”

Hey. Maybe they can change the name of one of my favorite movies to Trump and Trumper.