President Spanky

D.C. rumors:

As Secretary of State, Rex Tillerson once called Donald Trump a “F**king Moron”. Following a 60 Minutes interview with porn star Stormy Daniels on March 25, Trump is being called (behind his back and affectionately, I assume) “Spanky”.

Putting these two nicknames together, I felt a holiday song parody was in order.

Hence …

Spanky, the Moron
Was a nasty, dumbass soul
With a hollow head
And a face to dread and
A heart made out of coal

Spanky, the Moron
Is a horror tale they say
He was made of dough
But right-wingers know
How he came to life one day

There must have been dark magic
In his presidential run
For when they tallied up the votes
It appeared that he had won

Spanky, the Moron
Was as dirty as could be
Piling lie on lie
Such a crooked guy
He’s bad news for you and me

Spanky, the Moron
Knew the probe was closing fast
So he pointed here
And he pointed there
The distractions couldn’t last

Down to the Congress
Seeking funding for his wall
But they told him “no”
Just like Mexico
There was no end to his gall

They chased him down the streets of town
His leadership a flop
And he always claimed a witch hunt ‘til
Bob Mueller hollered “Stop!”

Spanky, the Moron
Was about to go way
As he waved goodbye he said,
“Don’t you cry.”
I will file for a stay

Trumpity, Trump, Trump
Trumpity, Trump, Trump
Look at Spanky go

Trumpity, Trump, Trump
Trumpity, Trump, Trump
Looking for his next show

Competent Manager Elusive Interview Quarry

We are all assailed daily by interviews with movie and television stars, politicians and the otherwise rich or famous, most of whom are shilling for their latest “thing.” How often, however, do you encounter interviews with individuals you see yet don’t see every day — the “obscure celebrities”?

As a public service, I have assumed the guise of “QuestionMan” and scoured my immediate neighborhood to bring these well-unknown people to you. You’re welcome.

This interview subject is commonly referenced in the corporate world but rarely seen in real life. Yes, we’re speaking of that living oxymoron known as Competent Manager.

Annoying-incompetent-signQuestionMan: I can’t tell you how difficult it was to find you. I had begun to think that you were one of those “urban legends.”
Competent Manager: The ability to avoid potentially time-wasting situations is one of my traits. Believe me, you would not have succeeded, had I not decided to give one final interview before the end.

QM: The end?
CM: Yes, I’m afraid it’s curtains for competent management in this country. I’ve been on the endangered species list for more than two decades, but all efforts to save my kind have failed. I’m the last of my breed, and I’m dying.

QM: I’m very sorry to hear that. What happened?
CM: I guess you could call it a natural de-selection process. Management has seen increasing less capable individuals entering its ranks over the past 20 years or so. Consequently, competent managers’ attempts to pass skills and techniques to their successors have met with dismal failure. The “Peter Principle” has entered the endgame. Management personnel no longer rise to their individual levels of incompetence; they enter at that level.

QM: That’s pretty scary. Where are all the competent people going?
CM: Most of them are going into more creative areas in their avoidance of corporate ineptitude. I personally know a lot of bright young men and women who are leading comparatively rich and fulfilling lives as writers, artists and street mimes.

QM: That would explain why mimes have gotten so much better. What do you envision as the fate of corporate America if this trend continues?
CM: Oh, it will definitely continue. It’s gone too far to be reversed. Incompetent management will continue to undervalue its employees as interchangeable and easily replaceable cogs in their operations. Disillusioned workers will constantly move from job to job in fruitless search of a management structure capable of comprehending and appreciating their contributions. Rising employee turnover will continue to reduce output quantity as well as quality. Meanwhile, management will hold an endless series of meetings focusing on employee handbook revisions as the solution to declining production. In another 20 years, maybe less, I see the U.S. gross national product as being on a par with that of, oh, say, Belize.

QM: That’s harsh, but I guess you should know. Is there an up side?
CM: Well, I guess the United States is destined to have the most comprehensive employee handbooks in the world.

QM: That’s something, anyway.
CM: Hmm. You’re not in management, by any chance, are you?

QM: I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it might incriminate me. Besides, who’s the QuestionMan here?
CM: I think you’ve answered by question.

Adapted from Truth Is An Amusing Concept
Available on Amazon